‘Chocolate’ (2005)

Henry Thomas stars in the Masters of Horror snoozer "Chocolate".
Henry Thomas stars in the Masters of Horror snoozer "Chocolate".

from Showtime’s “Masters of Horror” series

Chocolate (2005)
Written and Directed by:
Mick Garris
Starring: Henry Thomas, Matt Frewer, Leah Graham, Stacy Grant, Lucie Laurier

PLOT
A man named Jamie (Henry Thomas) who works in a food laboratory (of a company eats a sample of the chocolate produced but – this doesn’t happen in the ep. but tv.com has it in its summary) somehow becomes psychically connected to a women (Lucie Laurier) he has never met and falls in love with her. However, he is shocked when he ‘sees’ her killing her lover. (from tv.com)

Quickie Review
If you’re like me, you’re asking yourself, “Who the hell is Mick Garris and why the fuck is he considered a Master of Horror?” Well, Mick has done a few television adaptations of Stephen King books (“Desperation”, “The Shining”) and a few feature films (“Critters 2”, “Psycho VI”). Most importantly, though, he’s one of the executive producers of the Masters of Horror series. THAT’S how he’s considered a master of horror.

Watching this episode makes me want to do something else, ANYTHING else. It’s as if Garris grabbed all the most boring clichés he could find and then shoved them into 60 minutes. As someone else mentioned about this episode, a man having a psychic connection with a woman and experiencing what she’s doing is far better suited to porn than horror.

The Good: Well, there are boobs. Also, the acting is pretty solid. Given what they had to work with, it could have been a lot worse. I liked how Matt Frewer added a slightly whimsical side to character. And given that his character was written as such a milquetoast, I spend most of the movie wanting to punch Henry Thomas in the face, repeatedly, hard. I guess you could call that success.

The Bad: “Chocolate” commits one of the cardinal sins of horror movies: it’s boring. The entire premise doesn’t do the show any favors either. If it wasn’t used for porn (and in parts of the episode it kinda is), it just feels like it should be used for some really bad 80’s teen comedy starring Scott Baio.

The Ugly: – Weighing in at 57:49, it’s probably about 57 minutes too long. Stop after the opening credits and go read a book.

Joe Lopez
Dubbed, "TerrorScribe" by a former editor, Joe made the conversion to horror sometime in the mid-2000s. Little did he know he'd favored the genre all of his life. When not struggling with short stories, he provided genre film reviews for local entertainment sites and later genre sites who could suffer his cynical views.

It was that same cynicism - and some might say hubris - that lead him to have a brief flirtation with filmmaking. His first two efforts, "Annotated" and "Antes Que Seja Tarde (Before It's Too Late)" both premiered at a local H.P. Lovecraft film festival. A third short, "Survivor Girl" proved to be his undoing though plans are in the works to revived the cursed project.

Born and raised in Dallas, TX., Joe now resides in a small Texas town. Statistics say more dead bodies turn up in small towns that big cities... though he claims to have NOTHING to do with that.
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