REVIEW: ‘The Task’

A bunch of contestants hanging around in "The Task".
A bunch of contestants hanging around in "The Task".
A bunch of contestants hanging around in "The Task".

After having read its synopsis for “The Task”, I was really excited about this film. I thought to myself, “what a great concept” and it was… until someone covered, smothered and strangled nearly every ounce of originality from it. “The Task” becomes a very befitting title for this unnecessarily complicated, concept-wasting, killer of time and patience.

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REVIEW: ‘Seconds Apart’

Seth (Gary Entin) and Jonah (Edmund Entin) are both evil twins in "Seconds Apart".
Seth (Gary Entin) and Jonah (Edmund Entin) are both evil twins in "Seconds Apart".
Seth (Gary Entin) and Jonah (Edmund Entin) are both evil twins in "Seconds Apart".

Much ado is made of twins in horror films, and the “special bonds” that exist between these unique children seem endlessly ripe for speculation, usually running to the grim and excessive. In a world where uniqueness is prized and symmetry implausible in most cases, the effect of too-similar living beings … unsettles the sensibilities a bit.

So why not turn up the volume on our subconscious dread? Creepy twins, sure! Psychic, you betcha. Telekinetic and control the elements? Check and check. Riding bicycles and sporting a video camera with which to record who knows what garish, violent perversity? One shudders to imagine.

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REVIEW: ‘Prowl’

Amber (Courtney Hope) is on the run in "Prowl".
Amber (Courtney Hope) is on the run in "Prowl".
Amber (Courtney Hope) is on the run in "Prowl".

They say that you can never go home again.
What exactly does that mean?

It’s usually one of those nebulous phrases that someone says during a bittersweet homecoming. Sometimes, however, it’s just the hard truth. You can’t go home. Sometimes you have to leave, you have to get away from the comfortably and the standard and you have explore the wonders of the world.

It’s something that doesn’t happen in “Prowl”.

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REVIEW: ‘The Rite’

Father Trevant (Anthony Hopkins) prepares to lay the spiritual beatdown in "The Rite".
Father Trevant (Anthony Hopkins) prepares to lay the spiritual beatdown in "The Rite".
Father Trevant (Anthony Hopkins) prepares to lay the spiritual beatdown in "The Rite".

Faith.

What do you believe? Why do you believe it? In the case of religion, we have faith that there is a purpose for our lives, that there is a meaning to it all and ultimately, that there is reward or consequences.

In short, we hope.

Hope is an emotional Schrödinger’s Cat that sits in its box until we open it and find the true gift: proof. Some people, however, are simply content to wait and wonder, fearing the knowledge that proof might bring.

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REVIEW: ‘Hatchet’

Serving up victims cajun-style in "Hatchet".
Serving up victims cajun-style in "Hatchet".
Serving up victims cajun-style in "Hatchet".

I found myself at a crossroads when it came to ”Hatchet”. Part of me wanted to watch it and part of me just knew it was going to be another run-of-the-mill slasher flick. The bored part won out and so I began what was to be an interesting, only slightly predictable 84 minutes, in which some of the funniest lines I’ve heard come from a horror film in a long while.

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That ‘Insidious’ Teaser

Much has been made of the competition between “Saw” and “Paranormal Activity”, but much of that has only been at the box office. Aside from that, the creators of “Saw” (James Wan and Leigh Whannell) and the producers of “Paranormal Activity” (Steven Schneider, Jason Blum along with director Oren Peli) have teamed up for what could be a nice bit of haunted house action called, “Insidious.” Yes, I’m a bit late jumping on the bandwagon but I’ve been waiting to get a look at some of it first. This teaser, courtesy of those fine people at Shock Til You Drop, has certainly piqued my curiosity. Check it out after the jump.

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REVIEW: ‘Red Victoria’

Jim (Tony Brownrigg) and Victoria (Arianne Martin) and inspiration makes three in"Red Victoria".
Jim (Tony Brownrigg) and Victoria (Arianne Martin) and inspiration makes three in"Red Victoria".
Jim (Tony Brownrigg) and Victoria (Arianne Martin) and inspiration makes three in"Red Victoria".

Of all the treasures in the world, few are more rare than inspiration. Without it, one might say that we would have no art, no invention, no religion…

No love.

Fortunately, the occasional breath of the divine fills us up and sparks our minds and fires our imaginations. Inspiration has given us the sonnets of Shakespeare. Inspiration has given us the Apollo moon rocket. Inspiration has given us chainsaw-wielding maniacs, knife-fingered, dream-dwelling child molesters and trap-building madmen.

What? You didn’t think inspiration only gave us sunshine and bunnies, did you? No, sometimes inspiration gives us things like “Red Victoria”.

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The Jaundiced Eye: Oh, the Horror of it All!

Nothing like a good cleansing fire.
Nothing like a good cleansing fire.
Nothing like a good cleansing fire.

“Hollywood needs to burn”, I believe that’s how it was put to me by a very good friend the other night. I completely agree and think we should start the blaze by using some of the latest horror film scripts!

Our conversation started like it usually does, discussing the latest news regarding forthcoming horror movies and inevitably coming round to the “why do they insist on re-making classics”, which then naturally lead us to the debate of “if they’re going to re-make a classic, why must they screw with the original story”? That’s when I mounted out my little soap box and refused to come down for the following quarter hour.

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