REVIEW: ‘The Woman in Black’

February 3rd, 2012
Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) shines a light on the mystery of "the Woman in Black".

Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe) shines a light on the mystery of "the Woman in Black".

For those who live in and around the Dallas area, you might think that growing up in Oak Cliff is a lot like growing up somewhere just outside of downtown Bagdad. While I can’t necessarily speak for the conditions today, I can say it wasn’t as bad as some might expect. We would play in the schoolyard, climb trees and engage in some friendly games of “Oak Cliff freeze tag” – which involves a lot more rock throwing that regular freeze tag. However, there was one thing we didn’t do and that was go anywhere near the old Ravina Mansion.

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INSTANT REVIEW: ‘Intruder’

February 2nd, 2012

While scrolling through the horror titles on Netflix the other day I came across Intruder. Just from browsing over the description I found two things that intrigued me enough to hit play. Right off I was interested at the thought of a slasher flick taking place in a grocery store. Not something you see everyday.
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REVIEW: ‘The Whisperer In Darkness’

January 31st, 2012
Albert Wilmarth (Matt Foyer) unfortunately finds "the Whisperer in Darkness".

Albert Wilmarth (Matt Foyer) unfortunately finds "the Whisperer in Darkness".

Nothing good is easy.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to say that but I will tell you to carve that in stone. Be it in work, play, life or love; it’s just one of those universal truths. And while we’re on the subject, let’s add this little nugget onto that list: the stories of H.P. Lovecraft are difficult to adapt to film. There may be some of you snickering at that remark because you know the vast amounts of understatement I just used. For those who haven’t clambered aboard the Lovecraft bandwagon, please allow me to explain. Lovecraft’s favorite themes had to do with the vastness of infinity and how unknowable it was to mankind’s limited existence. Often, his protagonists would encounter something so mind shattering that it could not be described, explained or even named.
Now try filming that on a typical Hollywood budget.

And not even a big typical budget, but the below ten million dollar budget usually relegated for horror films – which with the current popularity of the cinéma vérité movement in horror, that number is probably closer to just one million dollars. Especially since Hollywood and mainstream audiences demand spectacle from their movies: you have to show the monster. Unnameable and unshowable usually lead you straight to unfilmable.

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INSTANT REVIEW: ‘The Stay Awake’

January 23rd, 2012

Netflix Instant is a great way to catch up on a lot of films that you might not have had time for or might not have even knew existed before. However, the sheer number of them available might make choosing one to watch difficult. Our latest addition, Carol Rogers, gives you the quick and dirty of what lurks in the Netflix depths.

In ‘the Stay Awake”, a group of students at an all-girls school are having a stay awake in which they are supposed to stay awake all night long while under the supervision of a female teacher and an older male chaperon. Little do they know a supernatural killer – the Angel of Darkness – is watching them from the shadows waiting to slay them one by one. One horny teen decides to sneak off to the “toilet” so meet a boy and this is where the slaying begins.

The gore was disappointing and cheesy. The demon critter just used its tail to stab people and in one scene, you could tell they used a wax head. The music doesn’t do you any favors either. It didn’t evoke fear but rather a headache. And what is up with the cheesy romantic song at the end of the movie?

In addition, if think that a movie set in a girls’ school would give you more than average boobage, you will be sadly disappointed as the most you get to see is a flash of leg. The ghost type mist needed a little something extra as well but considering the special effects of that time they just went with what they had. Personally my favorite parts were the electrical appliances catching fire and melting.

Overall, I give this film 2 stars and that’s because I liked the melting appliances. “The Stay Awake” should be “the Stay Away.”

REVIEW: ‘The Devil Inside’

January 6th, 2012

Right now, somewhere in the dark, cobweb-dusted recesses of my mind, a rabbit and a duck argue. Familiar voices bicker back and forth…

“Rabbit season!”
“Duck season!”
“Rabbit season!”
“Duck season!”

It goes on like this for some time until a disheveled young girl in a pea soup-stained nightgown approaches, slaps them both senseless and growls, “exorcism season.”

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REVIEW: ‘The Thing’

October 14th, 2011
Dr. Kate (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) brings the heat in "The Thing".

Dr. Kate (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) brings the heat in "The Thing".

These days, there are two words that can strike fear into the hearts of many movie goers: “horror remake” – especially if those words are immediately followed by the words “from Platinum Dunes.” Usually, these words mark yet another pointless, vapid journey into tedium, 90 minutes that add nothing to the original story and are often worse than what they were trying to improve upon. However, there are rare occasions when Hollywood puts out a remake out that successfully updates and adds to the original.

Such is the case with “the Thing”.
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REVIEW: ‘Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark’

August 26th, 2011
The lights come on for Kim (Katie Holmes) in "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark".

The lights come on for Kim (Katie Holmes) in "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark".

We live in the age of the Disney fairy tale. In these stories, the heroes and heroines are invariably young and beautiful. A lot of times, they are a bit naïve in the ways of the world and much of the suffering that they do is emotional. At the end of the day, their struggle is resolved with very little mess and they end up living in a castle or some similarly idyllic life.

But this wasn’t always the case.

Long before the “civilized” and sanitized now, fairy tales were not meant for children. They were filled with adults doing adult things learning lessons that usually involved the spilling of blood – much like the Troy Nixey-helmed and Guillermo Del Toro-penned “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark”.

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REVIEW: ‘Final Destination 5′

August 12th, 2011
Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) gets an eyeful in "Final Destination 5".

Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood) gets an eyeful in "Final Destination 5".

Like many parts of the country these days, the horror genre has been firmly in the grips of a drought for the last few years. True relief has been scarce and we find ourselves grateful for even the slightest promise of it we may feel on the wind. All the while, charlatans and assorted snake oil salesmen proffer gimmicks and false hope, which we eagerly accept in lieu of the real thing.

But one day, relief will come.
Just not today.
Today, we get “Final Destination 5”.

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DVD REVIEW: ‘Chainsaw Sally: Season One’

May 23rd, 2011
She is the danger that bumps in the night: Chainsaw Sally (April Monique Burril).

She is the danger that bumps in the night: Chainsaw Sally (April Monique Burril).

From the ages of about eight to thirteen, I was more or less surgically attached to a library. For us old folks, the library was our internet, except that it was made out of paper. Completely unlike the current internet, the mainstay of the library wasn’t porn, but the librarian. Neither sexy nor scantily clad, the librarian was usually an older woman whose temperament ranged somewhere from genial to dour. Ordinarily you could find her behind her desk or dutifully pushing her trolley along, re-shelving books. I highly suspect her cologne was a subtle Eau de Book Paste.

One thing for sure, they never built them like Chainsaw Sally.

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TFW 2011 REVIEW: ‘The Woman’

April 30th, 2011
Chris (Sean Bridger) and Belle (Angela Bettis) and their "perfect" life before "The Woman".

Chris (Sean Bridger) and Belle (Angela Bettis) and their "perfect" life before "The Woman".

In the beginning, as some people like to say, god created… well pretty much everything. But, it was kinda like throwing a party and nobody showing up, so god created guests: it solved the immediate problem and saved him on the cost of invitations. It wasn’t too long, though, before there was drama. God created man first and then pulled woman from an extra body part: so they were created together but not equally. Man was to be the boss of the woman. And while woman sought knowledge, man, by proxy for god, found that to be evil, they were cast out of paradise and woman was made to bear the burdens for her transgressions.

At least that’s what some people say.

Some people might say that man, in his natural state, prefers the balance found in a matriarchal belief system. Others still might say that man was created as a result of biological happenstance and natural selection. One thing that could be agreed upon is that Lucky McKee’s “the Woman” is a potent movie.

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