REVIEW: ‘Orphan’ (2009)

Boy howdy there is something wrong with Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman) in "Orphan".
Boy howdy there is something wrong with Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman) in "Orphan".

Have you ever had a surprise birthday party that wasn’t a surprise? You know the kind: some over-eager friend or relative just can’t contain themselves and spills the beans ahead of time. Later at party time, you have to walk in and come up with your best surprised reaction, knowing full well that the advanced warning has sucked all that was special out of the surprise.

Fortunately, it’s doesn’t make “Orphan” any worse of a movie.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t make it a better one, either.

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Everything You Know About Horror Is Wrong

What Do Horror Fans Want?

The gods bless my wife.

For most of the last year, I’ve watched almost nothing but horror movies. She, for her wifely part, has watched them with me, rarely complaining. We’ve watched big budget franchise movies and no-budget groaners. We’ve watched American, Chilean, English, French, Irish, Italian, Japanese, and Scandinavian horror. Slashers, aliens, monsters, zombies and assorted madmen, we’ve watched them in bunches, and I’ve come to a conclusion:

They don’t scare me.

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